the city of angels.

Here it is, the beginning of the next phase. I had my first IVF cycle in August/September. This post was written in July after we finalized our decision to move on to IVF.

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Obviously IUI didn’t work for us. It will likely never work for us. We knew this by April of this year. After four IUI’s, one of which was heavily medicated with injectables, we realized we needed to move on. We spent, and by we I mean mostly me, many months pouting and feeling sorry for ourselves over the situation.

I was upset over how unfair it was that WE have to pay so much money to have a baby. That WE have to go through this. That WE have to endure the emotional turmoil. That WE have to fight so hard to get a family. That WE are struggling so hard to get pregnant. It all seemed so incredibly unfair. WHY US? WHY?! It was a horrible, agonizing, painful, tear filled six weeks of anger and frustration (mixed with insane hormones thanks to said injectables cycle).

All of that has melted away, over time the anger and frustration have been replaced with peace. Life isn’t fair. It never will be. My life didn’t go the way I planned and even though it sometimes feels like I’m the only one who faces that issue (life not going perfectly according to MY plan) I know I’m not the only one. Why this is our journey we may never, ever know. But what we do know now is that we officially have our plan to bring home our babies #TBR (team baby robinson).

Our plan is one that we both feel at total peace with.  It isn’t the cheapest or easiest plan, but it’s the path we truly feel we are meant to take. After a lot of consultations with a lot of clinics ranging from our fertility clinic here, to several in Mexico, we landed with a decision that never even occurred to us. I truly believe the path laid out for us was divine intervention. And at just the right time, of course. It was my sister and brother in law who suggested it, actually.

We are going to Los Angeles to get our babies. I’ve mentioned both my sisters struggle with infertility.  While one has gone with adoption the other found IVF for her path. The one who chose IVF happens to live in Los Angeles and after two failed IVF cycles of her own she landed with Dr. John Wilcox at the Huntington Reproductive Clinic in Pasadena. She has two beautiful, healthy babies now. This is where we will be  going as well.

We’ve talked with Dr. Wilcox, we are waiting on our schedule. So the next few months of life will be consumed with flying back and forth to LA, getting shots, ultrasounds, egg retrievals, ICSI, embryo freezing and eagerly waiting to find out the results of extensive testing…. to see if we can get our babies home. Our hope is to grow enough healthy embryo’s to implant a few in the near future and freeze several for future implantation. Although that may not happen to perfection, we are encouraged and excited with what Dr. Wilcox can do for us.

We are confident we will get our babies. And that they will come from the City of Angels. I’ve never wanted to be average or typical in my life. What I’ve realized in all of this is that the path and journey to growing our family is pretty exciting. And if there’s one thing I like in life, it’s excitement…. why should getting my babies home be any different? I love that I’ll have a completely unique story to tell to my babies about how they were conceived. I love that I get to fly halfway across the country to make sure I get the best care possible and the healthiest babies I can.

I have to acknowledge that in all of this, it’s not me. I’ve prayed for five years. I’ve lost hope. I’ve endured more heartache and pain than I feel any woman should have to endure. I gave up thinking that God cared if I had a child. But a few weeks ago things much bigger than me were put into motion (i believe by God) to finally get my babies home. This plan, I believe, is beyond me. It’s not my doing and it was laid out for me quite a long time ago. I just didn’t know it. It just wasn’t time. But now it seems that it’s finally time. It’s just up to us to step out in faith and leap toward what’s been set in motion before us.

I believe there is something much bigger and much greater than we could ever imagine that will come from what we are starting next month. I’ve decided to accept my story for what it is. Time to get my babies home.

 

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2 thoughts on “the city of angels.

  1. Loved reading this. I have definitely been in that same place of feeling like everyone else’s life is working out according to their plans. But not mine. Now I’m so glad, because I would never have planned what God had in store. Praying the same will be true for you and thankful for your story.

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