I’m finding that the first week after IUI is really bearable. I don’t feel the effects of the clomid anymore and the HCG shot is definitely not ravaging my body. I actually feel normal! I get twinges and pinches near my ovaries and uterus constantly, pretty much all day long. Thankfully I’ve learned that these are merely side effects from the IUI and toll it takes on my awkwardly located inside bits.
I’m not obsessing over the twinges and pinches anymore, which is a gigantic relief. It was driving me crazy wondering if every pinch or subtle flutter was SOMETHING. Ugh. CRAZY. It was horrible! I’m so happy I’ve gotten to the place where I just carry on through normal life the two weeks after an IUI.
What I’m learning is this. My sister is right. She has always been right, she will probably always BE right and I should probably start listening to her a little better. She’s been through this far more than I have. She has two babies. Last year when she told me every cycle gets easier I didn’t believe her. I kind of wanted to punch her in the face. But she was right. It’s now routine and it’s just part of what we do every month. Ultrasounds, meds, IUI. Boom… It actually kind of helps pass the time.
My sister also told me that all you can do is expect the worst but hope for the best. I do hope every month that IUI will work, but I’m not sitting here expecting it. I don’t feel entitled to having my IUI work. Life isn’t fair. Most people have some manner of struggle through life, this is mine. I think embracing and accepting my infertility has helped me more than anything else. I can’t control this. I can’t. Nothing I do or say or eat or drink will make my body have a baby. Period.
All I can do is keep moving forward and keep hoping that someday it will work. It worked for my sister. Twice. She says it’s so so so so so incredibly worth it, not to ever give up, that every penny spent going through this is beyond worth it, the sacrifices, the pain, the emotional toll, is all worth it. She reminds me that my body will be able to do this. And you know what? I believe her. Because so far, in regard to all things infertility, she has been right.
I’m fairly certain going through infertility would be 1,000 times harder on the Edder and I if we didn’t have living, breathing, examples in front of us all the time that perseverance pays off. In the biggest and best way possible.
This is what perseverance looks like actually, and I remind myself of that every day. It’s pretty beautiful.