happy 2014. big choices and christmas miracles.

No long drawn out re-cap, that’s kind of what this blog is for. My year is basically summed up via previous posts. Just here to say I’ve returned to the world of blargging and am wanting to wish everyone a very happy 2014! My 2014 has started off brilliantly I’m happy to say.

No year of mine is perfect, nothing about my life is perfect… no shame there. Trying to be and prove you are perfect is so incredibly exhausting. Trust me. I’ve tried it, a long time ago. It was dumb.

I’m a mess most of the time, so is my life. However, here’s to learning and growing more all the time, including in 2014. Even when that growth and learning sucks at the time. It is always worth it, for me anyway.

And no matter if this year holds a baby bean in my uterus or not, here’s to lots of fun times, laughs and good memories in the coming year. I’m thankful to have so much good and so many good people in my life that my stubborn body isn’t a factor in my joy.

In fact, I have some thoughts on that too. Mostly that in the end I wouldn’t change the fact I didn’t have a full term pregnancy in 2013. It’s so counter to what infertiles hope for, I know. But in the past year I reached some personal goals that needed to be met. I couldn’t see through the forest at the time, during the sadness of losses and frustration with my body last year. But now looking back I see the bigger plan and am thankful I’ve had more time to experience life and learn life lessons before having a baby. I know that now when the time comes both the Edder and I will be much better equipped and prepared as parents. I think anyway.

In fact, while we were away over Christmas we were chosen (although we weren’t even in the market for it in any way shape or form) by a birth mom to be her baby girl’s adoptive parents. A source close to us had been made aware of this birth mother and thought of the Edder and I immediately. We hadn’t even had an adoption profile ready, and our source knew this, but our source helped us put together a quick and very short synopsis on who we are so the birth mother could ‘see’ us.  It turned out the birth mother wanted us more than any of the dozens of prospective parents who came forward. Ones who had been on the list and waiting for a healthy newborn for who knows how long.

The birth mother had a long list of very specific requirements she wanted the parents of this baby girl to have, including personality types, family/home life, financial stability and career choices. We matched every single one of her requests. Not all birth mom’s are so picky. I highly commend her for being picky though, she’s looking out for the child she is growing and placing in someone’s life.

Adoption wasn’t even on our radar. At all. We have been waiting to exhaust ourselves with fertility treatments before pursuing adoption. But while half a world away over the holidays we heard that a pregnant woman wanted us to be the parents to the baby girl she was carrying, due in February. It sort of opened up an option we weren’t even thinking about.

However. Yes, there’s a however. After a few days of a lot of talking and (on my part) looking at Italian and French baby clothes, we finally decided not go through with it. Even though initially it seemed like our Christmas miracle. It wasn’t easy, but we knew in our hearts it was the right choice for us and the baby girl. In the end something about it just wasn’t sitting right with us, it didn’t seem like what we were really meant to do in the end. The encouraging thing here is that clearly we are appealing as adoptive parents, which makes me feel even better and more peaceful about the future should we choose to go the adoption route.

To be presented with the opportunity in and of itself was an encouraging miracle. It was so sweet, even though we decided the baby girl shouldn’t be ours. It was such an incredibly humbling thought knowing someone out there found us worthy of being parents to her precious baby. What an honor. What an encouragement. We were so happy to hear the birth mom finally did find a couple to be the parents of her baby.

This decision somewhat solidified our fertility future for 2014, the prospective adoption that is. It honestly helped us forge a more clear and defined plan for building our family. But 2014 isn’t just about fertility, we have so much more going on! I’m looking forward to a year of planning for and renovating parts of our house, restoring a vintage race car, more travel and spending a lot of time with family and friends.

Cheers to 2014, y’all.

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