Deciding not to run a marathon this weekend. That is oddly the best part of my day. Because I REALLY wanted to run that marathon this weekend.
There is a lot floating around in my head these days. Heavy, deep thoughts. The past few weeks I’ve had to face some parts of myself that I’m not a fan of. To take a hard look at the ‘why’ behind how I feel and what I do sometimes, about any given issue. And what I see as I look in that mirror that’s being held up to me? It isn’t something I like.
As I evaluate why I do what I do, and why I feel how I feel, I am realizing that there are parts of me that I find really, really ugly. And that I don’t like. And that I want to change.
Part of it has to do with running a marathon this weekend, yes. But part of it is deeper and a lot more complicated. I’m just keeping it at the running level for now. No one likes sharing their ugly parts, right?
The point here is this. I made the tough call not to run a marathon this coming weekend. I won’t be there with my sister as she runs her second half marathon and I also I won’t be there to suffer through 26.2. miles of half-assed training hell. My body has been in protest since August in regard to running. But let’s be honest here. My body has been in protest all year. Between surgery, hormone treatments, gaining and losing weight, miscarriages, utter heartbreak, running injuries… it’s a lot. And I’m no spring chicken. It’s time to step back and accept the fact my body needs a break this year. It’s been through a lot. I’ve been through a lot. Edder has been through a lot.
Instead I’m extending grace to my body and my mental health. Something I don’t often do. Ask my closest friends and family members, who often remind me to stop being so hard on myself. The same ones who remind that they love me regardless of my accomplishments or weight or ability to keep a baby bean in my dysfunctional uterus.
I’m fortunate. And grateful. And I feel so incredibly and undeservedly blessed.
I am so happy I have the incredible friends and family that I have. So there you go. Instead of running another marathon this weekend I will work on much needed house projects to prepare for Thanksgiving guests. I will meet my three month old nephew for the first time this Saturday. I will spend as much time as possible with my sisters who are two of the most important people in my life (i wish everyone had sisters like the two i have), cousins and family. And I will dote on my amazing fluffy haired niece and my delicious nephews whom I am madly in love with… and I will rest.