the excitement and curiosity.

Here we go kids, this is the start of the blahhhrrgee posts I started writing at the beginning of my first IUI cycle. Enjoy the hormonal ride, more posts to come!

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Yeah I’m doing one of those annoying “I wrote this during what was going on but posting it after the fact” things. But here we go, nonetheless. Today starts the big steps in our ‘family growing’ journey. We are starting the medicated IUI process. Medicated IUI, for me, starts with a round of clomid that I take for five days in a row, then get an ultrasound to check my follicles, then take a trigger shot, then get the actual IUI.

So it started with a round of clomid which I am done with now, I have also had my ultrasound and now I am waiting for the right time to take my HCG trigger shot (it tells my little ovaries to RELEASE THE EGGS!!). Then onto the big day. Our first IUI attempt.

Here is what I know. I know that there is about a 14% chance the IUI will work this first time. It takes a good two to three times (if it works) to get the timing right and everything going correctly. Every woman has such a different system and set up that it’s not just a cut and dry procedure. IUI is so much more involved than I thought it would be, I know it’s nothing compared to IVF, but still… doing a medicated and monitored IUI is still pretty intense. Especially the first go round. Even still, it’s all so exciting and new, I have been an emotional roller coaster the past week. I can tell this will definitely be a learning experience. I also know that clomid thankfully doesn’t have negative side effects for me, which is great.

Onto how it all started. I got my little monthly visitor two weeks earlier than expected. I mentioned in a previous post that the timing and schedule for our treatments wasn’t going as planned. But I didn’t mean that in a bad way, I meant that in a “holy crap it’s happening now and much faster and sooner than we expected” kind of way. We were cautious, thinking it was maybe a ‘false’ start. I had talked to the nurses and they were wondering if it maybe wasn’t a ‘false’ start also. To be safe they went ahead and ordered up my meds; Clomid and the Ovidrel trigger shot. Just in case.

To my surprise this wasn’t a false start to my monthly frenemy. Good thing I had my meds ordered. It sure was the real deal. Edder and I spent a morning getting coffee and breakfast, picking up my Clomid and talking about a future with a little bean. It all felt so odd and surreal, my excitement was mounting. We told my family and two close friends what was going on. I needed the support, and I definitely got it. My family is the best. Seriously. Sisters can’t be beat. At least my sisters can’t.

I started the Clomid a day later, hoping it wouldn’t wreak havoc on my emotions, but seeing how I am a pretty emotional, sensitive, touchy-feely girl as it is, Edder and I were prepared for an emotional roller coaster. Honestly though, it wasn’t bad. I think it maybe made me a little more emotional, but not nearly as bad as I thought it might. I think everything I was feeling was more a mix of anxiety, nerves and fear of the unknown. The real emotions, the un-medicated-raw-and-real stuff came later in the week when I was sitting in a room at my fertility clinic.

It was sonogram day. The day they would check to see what my ovaries were up to. Were they having a party? Or were they being lazy jerks? That day was a tough one. I think I’d been holding my breath since surgery for this day. The day they look to see if I am producing eggs. Edder picked me up from work and we went to get lunch. We didn’t have much to say. I think we were both just… unsure, nervous, curious, scared… all of it. I was prepared to shed some tears no matter what that day.Whether they didn’t find eggs, found a problem or things were all good. Edder was prepared to hold my hand and kiss my forehead.

What I wasn’t prepared for was the most incredibly painful sonogram to date. The “magic wand” as I like to call it (used for internal sono’s) never bothered me before. But it had always been my Dr. doing it before. This time it was a nurse. I was already a bit tense, but that grew and grew as I sat on the table waiting. I am not blaming the nurse here, but compared to how my sono’s went with my Dr. I wasn’t prepared for the lack of…. gentleness… she used. Not to mention that my girl bits hadn’t been sono’d since surgery. And the fact I’d had stitches in my cervix made me pretty nervous about the whole “magic wand” process. I was right to be so. That first post-surgery internal sono was horrific.

It was brutal. There were tears. I was gripping Edder so hard that he had to physically release my fingers so I wouldn’t cut him with my fingernails. It was so painful. And the only reason I can think it was so brutal was because I was tense and it was the first sono since my surgery. Things hadn’t been poked or prodded yet. The nurse was on her tiptoes trying to get a view on things. Finally, through a lot of deep yoga breathing on my part, she found both ovaries and my uterus. Four follicles total. I was so proud of my little dysfunctional ovaries. They made FOUR healthy follicles. Two on each side, one was 15mm on each side, the others 12mm each. I’ve mentioned before that I like things nice, neat and even. Symmetry is good. Apparently my ovaries agree.

After the torture of the sono was over, the nurse left, I sat up and lost it. My head down in my hand sobbing HARD. Ed just standing there trying to comfort me. The whole thing. All of it had just gotten to me. The process up to that point, the emotions, the relief of seeing my ovaries produce some eggs, the pain of the sono… I lost it. And it felt so good to lose it. I didn’t care. I shamelessly pulled my clothes on and we went and made the appointment for our IUI. Thankfully these nurses see it all. I was met with caring sympathy and a kleenex… and a LOT of reassurance.

After that we went about our week as usual. Just waiting for trigger shot night to hurry up and arrive. I’ll keep you posted on how it goes. Edder is administering the shot, oh lordy!

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2 thoughts on “the excitement and curiosity.

  1. Good luck with your IUI! I just finished my second IUI and am in the 2wwait. Found your blog cause I was looking for some ‘cycle sisters’ to compare iui symptoms with;)

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