when you lose.

While the world watched and tweeted about the Super Bowl the Edder and I huddled up with Milo in shock and grief. Moments after arriving at a Super Bowl party, ready for fun and festivities, I got that phone call no one EVER wants to get.

Someone you care about, someone who has been incredibly important in your life, is gone. I stood in the corner of our friends’ house on the phone listening to my best friend tell me my therapist was killed in a car accident. Along with his wife, and his precious service dog. It’s one of those surreal moments. I just stood there. I couldn’t even hear my friend’s voice anymore, I have no idea what else she said. We were both in shock.

Finally I found my bearings, found the Edder… and lost it. In front of a houseful of people. We left immediately. The news hit me HARD.

My therapist and counselor of seven years. The man who helped me learn to navigate my life and my depression. The one who saw the absolute worst of me, who knew the worst of me, who knew my deepest darkest secrets, who knew all the ugly, the shortcomings, the deep pain and burdens in my life. The one who also knew the deepest desires of my heart, my goals, my dreams, my goodness, my pure intent and hopes to thrive… he cared for and helped me despite all my problems. Is gone.

My question is this. How do you navigate the grief for someone you turned to, to help you navigate all your grief? And struggles and hardships?  I don’t know where to start. But I know I am not alone in my grief, my therapist was very well-known in town. He was an incredible person. But no. That doesn’t even cover the kind of person he was. He was outstanding, the kind of man every person should aspire to be, in my opinion.

I have no words. I’m still in shock. As I know so many… an incredible amount of people in this town, are. I think his funeral will be the most attended one this city has ever seen.

The good news is that he is now in a whole body, in heaven, happy and no longer limited to the confines of a wheelchair and the pains of this world. And I don’t mean that as a cliché, in any way shape or form. This is coming from deep in my heart.

You were so loved and appreciated Randy. We love you. Thank you for everything you’ve done for the Edder and I. You changed our lives for the better in innumerable ways. We were so blessed and fortunate to have had you in our lives. We are going to miss you so incredibly much.

My health is a tribute to the fruit of Randy’s life. Generations to come will be blessed by the work he did.

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8 thoughts on “when you lose.

  1. A former boss of mine lost his battle with cancer last weekend. it sucks losing someone that was close to you like that, and i’m so sorry for your loss. I certainly didn’t rely on Darren to the degree of a therapist, so I can’t imagine how tough this is for you. Keep your chin up girl.

    • thank you so much. and i’m sorry for your loss as well, as you know there are no words you can say… there just aren’t. it’s like losing a member of our family. we can aim to keep our chins up, both of us 🙂

  2. Beka, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you knew Randy and Suzy. I was good friends with Natalie in high school and spent a good amount of time at their house. They were amazing people and will be sorely missed.

    • so very true. and it’s amazing how many people know them, isn’t it? not surprising though. they were such wonderful, caring people. it’s truly a loss for all of us. we are lucky we got to know them though, aren’t we?

  3. I’m so sorry for you loss. I didn’t know them personally but am close to many people who were significantly impacted by him. I wish I would have had the opportunity to know them personally.

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