running toward the roar.

This is how it goes in nature. When antelopes hear the sound of a lion’s roar their instinct tells them to run in the opposite direction. By doing this, however, it means they run to an almost certain death. The thing is that lions expect their prey to do just that. Run away from their roar.

The male of the pride anticipates where the antelope will run, while the lionesses lie in ambush in an area opposite or circling the lion. Therefore, when the lion roars the poor terrified antelope, as quickly as he can, runs straight into the jaws of the lionesses. And bam. Dinner!

Lately, I’ve been running away from the roar. I didn’t mean to. I honestly couldn’t help it. But a clinical illness can sometimes do that to a girl. Unknown to me my medication wasn’t doing the trick any longer. I was suffering. For a few months there I was trying to figure out what was wrong, I thought I needed more space, more quiet, more solitude, more rest… I needed something.

Then last week, BOOM. I ran right into the jaws of the lioness. Thankfully there were people here to help me. Family and friends who love and protect me dearly, a therapist, an understanding workplace and doctors. All to pull me out of the jaws. As quickly as they could. It worked.

All I will say about last week is that I made it through, as a smarter girl. I am thankful for the people I have in my life, and the ability to get the help I needed. Also, know this. Clinical depression/anxiety is real. If anyone wants to think or say otherwise they can suck it.

I’m never sure how much to write about this part of my life. It’s incredibly tough. Just like writing about infertility. I’ve got a double whammy, huh? Good stuff. The good news is thanks to last weeks ‘run into the jaws’ I realized that I also haven’t really been dealing with my infertility. Which is another post for another day… meet me here later and we can hug it out over that topic.

For now, I am sprinting toward the roar.

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3 thoughts on “running toward the roar.

  1. HUGS! I know it is real and talking about it is important..

    Will be praying for you with fertility.. I am blessed with 2 wonderful boys who were easy to conceive.. now that we want to try for #3 it seems that we are not so lucky. I have gained empathy, but cannot imagine how hard it would be to have this issue on #1. Miss ya!!

    • thanks my friend. it’s been incredibly difficult, some days are harder than others. but knowing others out there have empathy helps a LOT. and same to you, i’ll be praying for no.3 for YOU. that is VERY exciting for you!

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